English in Taiwan

When you arrive at Kaohsiung airport, you’re greeted with a sign on the exit doors saying:

PLEASE AVOID THE COLLISION

This should have stood as a warning as I came to Taiwan in the hope of helping people perfect their English.

Taiwanese rely on translation and take a very lexical approach to language. However, English is not Chinese. Words are ideas and many of the ideas are often fundamentally different. For example:

In Chinese “guan xie” means relationship but also the larger network of inter-relationships; so the Australian expression “no worries” has the Taiwanese equivalent of “may yo guan xie” which is literally translated as “no have relationship or personal debt”.

This approach to language learning is reiterated in the education system, which relies on constant tests of vocabulary and spelling. Students go through their whole life trying to put things they say in Chinese straight into English. Therefore when I’m checking writing I’ll often come across amazing combinations of words like:

“If you enjoy the hubbub of the voice place, go to Urban Spot Light”

or

“your daughter should consider the bright future”

The use and overuse of electronic dictionaries also leads to some amazingly archaic vocabulary. One of my students really enjoys gourmandising another has sanguine walls.

Bad English can even be found in government buildings and on websites. I went to the department of motor vehicles and had to stand in the cue marked:

THE DISABLED AND FOREIGNER SERVICE

At the post office I follow the signs to:

PHILATELY SERVICES

I find it a little frustrating as I know everyone under about 30 has had at least 5 years of English language instruction. Yet asking for a coffee at the coffee shop (which is ka-fe in Chinese – not a huge linguistic stretch) is met with fear, consternation, and running to find the English speaker.

I know I should be working harder at learning Chinese but after four years in three different countries, I’m suffering from language fatigue. There’s also something comforting about not knowing what anyone around you is saying.

These irregularities of English often give me a chuckle but can also be powerfully disheartening when teaching.